What is that all about?

So last week I wasn’t feeling very well.  I couldn’t put my finger on the exact nature of my illness; I was just “off”!  I felt a bit light-headed, but not really dizzy and there was slight pressure around my eyes, but no headache.  The symptoms came and went – as did the “worst case scenario” meter, which has set up permanent residence in my imagination!  I ping-ponged back and forth between having a brain tumor or detached retina!

What is that all about?

I’d like to tell you this is a “one off” situation for me, but truthfully it’s not.  Usually I go directly to cancer!  And it makes no difference where the ailment has manifested itself, it MUST be cancer.  Forget the fact that there is no history of cancer in my family – I must be setting a precedence.

What is that all about?

There is a history of Alzheimer’s Disease in my lineage however, so you can imagine what I do when I forget something, find myself trying to recall just the right word, or wonder around the house looking for my glasses!  I make sure my long-term health care is paid up!

What is that all about?

So, the only thing that gets me off the “worst case scenario” track is to tell someone what I’m worried about.  We usually then discuss the details of the symptoms and discern it’s most likely not a life or death situation.   My friend then pats my hand and says not to worry, but if it does end up being something of concern, they’ll be right by my side!

I wasn’t quite sure what to title this posting.  It certainly isn’t too profound is it?  But maybe this happens to some of you as well!  I mean I believe God watches over me and is with me through it all – then why do I still go to the dark side when I can’t immediately explain away the unexpected.  

Ahhh----- maybe it’s the “human condition”!

Oh yes, the brain tumor is in remission and my retina repaired – without surgery even.

New Directions

Funny how life seems to come ‘full circle’ – again and again!  For the past several weeks I’ve been reminded of that, as I notice the surroundings on my path have changed just a little.  These changes aren’t causing huge anxiety mind you, but they are enough for me to take note that life is continually evolving and with that comes a sense of sadness for what has been.

As I was pondering these new ‘opportunities for growth’, I remembered a poem I had written about just this topic!  Much to my surprise, when I opened it today, I saw it was written almost exactly a year ago!  Must be something about moving forward that equates with springtime!

Here is a copy of that poem from a year ago and one I wrote today – kind of a sequel I guess!

Gentle Turns

                                    

Ever so slightly

there’s a bend

in the road.

Imperceptible

to the eye.

Unnoticed

while traveling.

Mere curves

on forward paths.

Backward glances

reveal

a change in direction.

Sweet goodbyes

from familiar vistas

toward new horizons.

Gentle turns

On life’s journey

June 15, 2011

Goodbye – Hello

Even gentle turns

need a proper

Goodbye.

A time to

remember,

reflect,

question,

perhaps grieve-

that which is

no more.

Then. . . .

and only then,

is there freedom

to gladly embrace

the new,

with a welcoming

Hello!

June 18, 2012

A Do Over?. . .Follow-up!

A dear friend sent me this poem that came to mind after reading yesterday's posting.  It is stunning, so I wanted to pass it along.

THE GUEST HOUSE

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

even if they are a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

For some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

Meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.

Be grateful for whatever comes.

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

Jelaluddin Rumi

translation by Coleman Barks

From ‘The Illuminated Rumi’

A Do Over?

The other day I was asked if there was anything in my life I would do over, change, or just plain wish hadn’t happened.  My first response was nope – it all happened exactly as it was supposed to – no regrets!

But then this person mentioned a chapter that brought back quite unpleasant memories.  Hmmm, maybe I would eliminate just that one part of my story. Other than causing anxiety, what did that do for my journey?  Yes, I think that particular situation would fall into the category of “wish it hadn’t happened”

Well, come to think of it, maybe there were a few other circumstances I’d change, if given the opportunity.  Certainly this “thorn in my side” for the past two and a half years has not added in a positive way to the saga of my life!  Or has it. . . . . . .?

I can review all the ins and outs, ups and downs of my life, and honestly say I’ve learned something with each one.  Has it been pleasant?  Certainly not!  In fact, sometimes it’s been downright painful. I DO NOT believe God hands us obstacles because He gets some kind of pleasure out of testing us – but I DO believe He’s with us through it all.  So I guess if I had made different choices, God would be part of those choices as well, wouldn’t He?

Ultimately, God is right there with knitting needles, stitching our choices, good or bad, into the patchwork of our lives.  Therefore, I guess a  “do over” is really a moot point isn’t it? 

I started writing this a week ago and like a little kid on a swing, I’ve gone back and forth too many times to count  (welcome to my world as I lay awake in the middle of the night!)  But for me the scale has tipped on the side of my first response – it all happened exactly as it was supposed to – no regrets!

 How about you?